“The Scots are the very bastards of creation.”
John Wilkes, the great English radical, reformer, and 18th Century Member of Parliament for Middlesex
“The noblest prospect which a Scotchman ever sees, is the high road that leads him to England.”
Samuel Johnson, essayist, wit, moralist, biographer and Tourette sufferer
Kelvin Mackenzie, former editor of The Sun
To celebrate the wonderful article by top financial magazine The Economist, and fair comment on Alex Salmond by erudite historian David Starkey we at Bella Towers have donned our sexiest patriotic underpants and are delighted to unveil… cue drum roll… “The Very Bastards Of Creation 2012 Awards”.
Everyone knows that the Scotch race are stupid, mean, skint, parochial, subsidy junkies with haggis breath, squint teeth, ginger pubes and an inferiority complex. This is common knowledge. How could it be otherwise in the only country in the world too small, too poor, and too stupid to run itself. However in these days of Political Correctness (pah, spit) who has the courage, wit and integrity to tell the truth in print about the mangy beggarly Scotch? To this end we’re delighted to launch a new competition open to courageous Scottyphobes everywhere.
HOW TO ENTER:
Keep an eye on the national media for potential nominees and leave links to their totally justified and unbiased Scottybaiting in the Comments section below. Articles with personal abuse directed towards Alex Salmond are acceptable. Borderline racism and commentary mocking the Scots ability to organise a piss up in Buckfast factory are positively encouraged. Op-eds predicting plague, black death and penury post-Independence could be in with a shout. And don’t forget those evergreen humorous digs at short bread, Braveheart and drunkenness. Lol.
Nominations are open until 30th November. After which a panel of Jeremy Paxman, David Starkey and the exhumed body of Edward 1st will select the winners. We will hold a celeb-studded award ceremony at a swanky London hotel in the new year to which the winning nominees and their nominators will be invited to attend. So get nominating folks! (Also add Twitter nominations to #theverybastardsofcreation )