It was announced earlier today that Scotland’s turnip-in-charge, Craig Levein, will have his future decided (terminated surely?) by the SFA over the next few days. This is just the latest in an incomprehensible sequence of events at SFA HQ. Levein is universally despised by Scotland fans who were reduced to watching matches through fingers, and from behind the couch, while El Potter soared to heights of cluelessness that only a pigeon-French speaking Peter Sellers could ever hope to reach.
The facts speak for themselves: Levein has had the good fortune of having a “golden generation” of Scottish players to choose from in this World Cup campaign. Under a decent manager Scots could realistically have expected a powerful challenge for Brazil 2014 in what was admittedly a tricky group. Unlike previous incumbents the Scotland manager could have selected a deadly £18m strike force – Fletcher and Rhodes – supplemented by some of the finest young players our country has produced in decades.
That wasn’t the Levein way. Petty arguments kept our best striker playing the X-Box on match nights while an ageing forward was dragged home from a moose league. Levein’s team selections seemed to be based on spin-the-bottle; his tactical nous was on a par with Orville the Duck; his motivational skills were evidently David Brent-esque. Result: we’re out almost two full years before the finals and currently shiting ourselves as the mighty Luxembourg arrive to put us to the sword on 14th November in front of a deserted Hampden.
In two and a half brutally depressing years Levein only managed two competitive wins: against the might of Lichtenstein and Lithuania. His full tawdry managerial record in charge of Scotland bokes for itself.
Here at Bella Towers when presented with a conundrum we try to figure it out. But on this one we’re totally stumped. So we’ll hand it over to you, dear readers. Is there anyone out there, anyone at all, who can answer this question:
Why the fuck is Craig Levein still in a job?