Vice Captain for Englands Golden Age

You’ve heard the jokes. Not since ‘No clean sheet for Seaman’  had the jokes of the terracing been so widely and quickly passed around. The realisation that much more was about to tumble out of WAGland and across Ingerlund undoubtedly nudged Capello to ditch Terry (‘Three Lies on his Shirt’).

SNP Tactical Voting writes: ‘ I think it is an excellent decision from Capello, and not just because Rio will make a brilliant captain in his own right, but also due to the following: As the whole country knows by now I’m sure, John Terry slept with a country (and former club) teammate’s ex-girlfriend. It’s not known whether this was while Wayne Bridge was together with the woman but either way a pressing question remains. Should John Terry stay on as England captain? For me, the answer is a resounding no. ‘

For me the answer is a resounding: who cares? The main insight this depressing story has is how much the media across all forms has sunk into a pit of inanity. SKYs live helicopter a la OJ tracking Terry’s car from Chelsea to Wembley must rate as the most expensive and irrelevant broadcast in eons. The story of a man earning millions but still flogging his private box at Wembley tells us far more about the yawning chasm between England’s vainglorious sense of its own importance and the calibre of the people they venerate. The role of Captain of the England football team is utterly meaningless. It serves no function other than to win the toss.

The English media that bleeds into the ‘national’ effortlessly, seamlessly and constantly, is living in age of the Charlton brothers and Pickles the dog, when the men running the game were called ‘Geoff’ and ‘Alf’. The English tabloid media can’t really face up to the reality of contemporary English society where grossly overpaid young men behave appalingly and frequently operating above the law. It’s more spit-roast than roast-beef these days.

If Cappello has decided that Terry’s behaviour is unfit for the posts why dont they examine the other contenders, his vice-captain, vice-captain and proposed replacement? Rio Ferdinand, Terry’s replacement was banned for eight months for failing to take a routine drugs test despite being the countrys highest paid player. Steven Gerrard was last year charged with assault, whilst Rooney the other contender may have been ignored because of his admitted penchant for visiting ageing prostitutes.

The descent of the mainstream media is now complete. We shouldn’t be suprised that the English press obsess about this nonsense in supreme prurient hypocrisy. Having completed the saturation coverage of the wedding between Katie Price and Alex the ‘Cagefighter’ Reid – the story of the England captain bonking around seems like the work of Woodward & Bernstein. Scotland is no better. We just have the inverse problem. While English culture has no concept other than its own grand importance, we value our national game as little less than a joke. How else could you explain the Scottish youth team being sponsred by MacDonalds?

Our own media have helped resurrect the careers of McGregor, Boyd and Ferguson three individuals who should never have been allowed to (dis)grace a Scotland strip ever again. Now we are faced with the unedifying spectacle of Craig Levein virtually pleading Barry Ferguson to rejoin the Scotland team. What next? Bazza for captain? Now there’s a role model.

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  1. Satire at its best.
    For this past several months I have urged the English media (T.V.& Newspapers)to call into question the B.N.P. attitude to the black representation in the English sporting arena;
    including cricket,olympics,football (re.Ferdinand).
    No success up to now (I wonder why)?

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