The Nonsense Guide to Climate Change

After recent exchanges we thought this was useful…from George Marshall, an explanation of the ‘position’ of climate sceptics, reproduced from chapter 3 of Danny Chiver’s new book “The No-Nonsense Guide to Climate Change”:

Don’t worry. The planet isn’t warming up at all – the temperature record has been tampered with by dodgy climate scientists, in order to justify their funding, and anyway all the measuring devices are next to hot air vents in town centers. Actually, the planet has been warming, but it stopped in 1998 – that’s why the sea ice has been growing this year. In the winter.

Having said all that, the planet is in fact warming rapidly, but it’s nothing to do with CO2 – it’s all about sunspots and cosmic rays. Those crazy climate scientists were telling us there was going to be an ice age, and now they say we’re warming up! Which of course we are. Except there was a record cold winter in my town this year – where’s your global warming now, eh?

The fact that CO2 is warming the planet is not in dispute – but humans make only a tiny contribution to it. The rest comes from volcanoes, and anyway if you look at the prehistoric record the warming came first, then the CO2! Carbon dioxide is good for us, it makes plants grow. Plus it’s warming on Mars, and it was warm in medieval times, I expect our 4x4s caused that too did they?

The endless flaws and errors in the IPCC reports, plus the scandalous data from the hacked CRU emails shows that global warming alarmists are being used as the tool of governments to raise all our taxes and usher in a new communist world order. It’s a huge hoax, and they’re all in on it – the 7,000 measurement stations, the migrating birds, whoever’s making Greenland melt, all those carefully staged natural disasters – they do it in the same studio where they faked the moon landings, did you know that? Plus, global warming will be great! We’ll grow grapes in London and plant crops in the Arctic and no-one will freeze in the winter. Except it’s not happening at all, and is all part of a natural cycle – the world has always changed temperature, you know. And it’s all China’s fault.

We can all adapt to it easily enough, and should be spending our time and money on the real problems. It’s all based on computer models, for goodness’ sake! Meanwhile, it’s too late to do anything and we’re all doomed anyway – we may as well party while we can. Because it’s not happening, except it is, and it isn’t our fault, although it is, but it’s not that serious, except it is, but there’s nothing we can do.

In summary: Relax. It’s all going to be fine. You don’t have to do anything. Don’t look at the nasty scientific reports, or the people dying in floods and droughts and storms, or the melting icecaps, or the way the seasons have started getting really weird, or the strange insects showing up in your local park. Shhhhh. Settle down now. Everything’s going to be just fine.

– Compiled by the Innocuous-Sounding Institute for Common Sense Climate Solutions, with thanks to various funders that you really don’t need to know about and don’t exist anyway.

Comments (0)

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  1. john ferguson says:

    As a sceptic on global warming, I think there should be a law against scammers as well as hackers etc. T shirt?

    1. bellacaledonia says:

      Heading to Clachan Biorach as we speak…

  2. Then again a recent NASA review of a decade of satellite data:

    “With new data collected from a NASA’s Terra satellite, the previous model may be proven as a hoax. Hypothesis based on the satellite’s findings show that planet Earth actually releases heat into space, more than it retains it. The higher efficiency of releasing energy outside of Earth contradicts former forecasts of climate change.

    Dr. Roy Spencer, a team leader for NASA’s Aqua satellite, studied a decade worth of satellite data regarding cloud surface temperatures.

    “The satellite observations suggest there is much more energy lost to space during and after warming than the climate models show…There is a huge discrepancy between the data and the forecasts that is especially big over the oceans,” said Dr. Spencer. ”

    But that will be ‘science’ that the author does not like along with Solar Flaring and ‘geoidic wobble’. The problem with the IPCC is it is about politics now. It operates to the same neo-liberal theories that brought you the current Western World is bankrupt situation. Can anyone contemplate what will happen to the ‘Global Climate Change’ Industry if it is demonstrated they have got their science badly wrong – as the NASA review of the last decade is indicating?

    There are very sensible economic reasons to engage in wind, hydro and tidal power but the emotional ‘climate change card’ is not one, it is just blackmail.

  3. Clootie says:

    The post above by Peter Thomson covers the key points in a first class manner. What frustrates me is that a serious topic has turned into a political forum to influence the development of other countries and to find a platform for a failed American politician. The new tactic is to suggest that anyone who disagrees with the “Selected” scientific community is putting their head in the sand. Those who challenge the WORD are to be ridiculed or pitied.

    I have been lied to once – why should I believe them now!

  4. Justin Kenrick says:

    In The Evolution Crisis, a compilation of five scientists who reject evolution, Spencer states: “I finally became convinced that the theory of creation actually had a much better scientific basis than the theory of evolution”. (

    There is indeed much to debate on the science of climate change, and it should be debated by scientists who understand the science not by people like me who don’t. What I tend to do is see what the consensus of the vast majority of scientists are saying, and I listen to indigenous people describing what is happening to their lands, and I draw my conclusions from those experts (both scientific and indigenous). I am reminded of the huge resistance to scientists making the link between smoking and lung cancer. There was huge resistance not only by the tobacco industry and the politicians and scientists they sponsored but by people who had become addicted – it seems we are in a very similar situation now, only we are all to some extent addicts of this economic system.

    But for me, climate change and peak oil are not really the point. They are just symptoms of an underlying problem. Solving those symptoms won’t make the underlying problem go away, but tackling the underlying problem will solve a whole host of other symptoms too. If you see how this economic system is devastating the oceans and the forests and the soil now, then the need is to stop this system from destroying our habitat.

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