Slebs for the Union
Dave has suggested that the ‘battle for hearts and minds’ is needed to persuade us useless Scots to stick with Britannia. The Prime Minister’s outburst came after unfortunate reports that senior UK Tories believed Alistair Darling’s leadership of the No campaign was “comatose” and “useless”.
Instead of rational debate the No people are going to bring in English entertainers to convince us to ‘stay’. We can see no way in which this will backfire at all so have decided to help the cause with some initial suggestions. Obviously actual Scottish entertainers and ‘creatives’ are just plain terrified of expressing a view so that’s why we need to look souff.
The Herald covers the story today about the prospect of a celebrity unionist “Lovebomb” being dropped. “The participation in the campaign of the English celebrities has yet to be revealed” it teases – so fevered speculation has ensued. Who will woo us?
David Leask has suggested “English slebs for Union: Jim Davidson, Russ Abbott in Jimmy Hats and cast of HIGNFY cracking gags about fat salad-avoiding Jocks dying young” which has a certain ring to it but – ever helpful – here’s our suggestion list for Blair MacDougall and chums …
Helen Flanagan – she’s the go-to girl for all reality tv and what’s more reality tv than giving up your right to elect your own government? She’s the People’s Princess. Hashtag: #tottyfortheunion
Mark Lawrenson – one from leftfield but big Lorro knows his onions. Could come off the bench and do a job for the troubled No team. Hashtag: #alwayshaveajockinyourteam
Katie Hopkins – the mouthy businesswomen is just what Better Together needs. She shoots from the hip and tells it like it is. She’s the Best of British? Hashtag: #moronalert
Chas n Dave – Get out the old Joanna and let’s have a right ole knees up? Hashtag: #roughwooing
Miranda Hart – all gangly and hilarious. She’s the funniest thing since Terry and June Hashtag: #midwifeofindependence
David Dickinson – let’s go populist – we know it’s all about the economy so who better to plug the ‘value’ brand of UK plc? Hashtag: #cheapaschips
Brian May – with a guitar solo on top of the Scott Monument of God Save the Queen we’ll be wreathed in Union Jacks before you can say “Very very frightening” Hashtag: #80sbarnett
Ray Winstone – for his marvelous HIGNFY comments
Spencer Matthews – could have the ladies in the bag with his dashing / abusive charm Hashtag #noIQtestrequired
As always – your suggestions are welcome …