Jockistan and the McBoat People

3645726bb932ececa566113a8659ca04This weeks Hysterical Neighbours Prize is a three-way draw. First-up is the former Sun editor Kelvin Mackenzie who managed a spluttering:

“Without the clever and wealth-creating southerners, this country would be Greece without the sunshine. The stats are simply astonishing. While the 2.6m taxpayers of Jockestan paid £11.3bn in income tax in 2011-12, the 8.4m clever clogs in London and the south east coughed up £64.3bn…So I am adopting the slogan ‘no taxation without representation’, first used in the 1750s by angry colonists in America” before adding “Take the SNP . I’m so old I can remember when Alex Salmond and his party were just a bunch of nutters wandering the back streets of Glasgow.”

I think he might be confusing them with someone else?

Finally he added combining a glorious riot of racism: “Get those Libyan people smugglers to bring their boats to the Thames and we will load up all the Jocks and drop them off in Edinburgh” and talking of the McBoat people.

It’s a good effort from Kelvin but we feel he’ll have to do better.

Over at the reliably hilarious CapX site, Gerald Warner is unmuzzled for some serious Jock-Bashing (‘The SNP is now a mystic cult wholly divorced from reality’).

Renewables targets are ‘crazed’ we’re told and:

“The bulk of the Scottish electorate has lost contact with reality. Moronic socialist delusion is the blind faith of a political party that is unique in the developed world – the poorest Albanian peasant would laugh like a drain at the socialist fantasies that are routinely rehearsed at Scottish middle-class dinner tables where the state-employed nomenklatura congregates.”

Frothing into full-stride now, Warner explodes: “What if their nihilist policies so appalled the English that Scottish separatism became a more popular option south of the Border than north of it? Might the next referendum be one held within the non-Scottish UK electorate, desperate to unshackle their three countries from the dictatorship of Scottish Stalinists?”

What indeed Gerald?

But at least Warner and his CapX chums are in control of their faculties. Poor Geoffrey Wheatcroft is being turned into an English nationalist against his wishes.  

He’s a true democrat mind but (and boasts) that the electoral system for Holyrood “was designed with the utmost ingenuity to ensure that no party in general, and the SNP in particular, could gain a parliamentary majority there.”


He’s right about Evel though.

“Cameron offered Evel as a sop, evidently without giving the matter any serious thought. In truth, it’s no answer since it is fraught with difficulty. As Gladstone realised at the time of the 1893 second home rule bill for Ireland, when it was proposed that the remaining Irish MPs at Westminster would only be able to vote on questions of Irish concern, to have two classes of MPs could mean that an administration had a Commons majority for some purposes, but not for others, destroying the basis of parliamentary government.”

Clearly struggling though with the prospect of an outbreak of Unionist democracy he admits: “Not everybody noticed that at the last election the Tories won a parliamentary majority – in England – and they may do so again. But Sturgeon says she will lock them out of office. In the 1980s it was claimed with some plausibility that it was unjust for Scotland to be ruled by a government for which most of its people hadn’t voted. How much worse will it be if that happens to England?”

Much worse Geoffrey, much much worse.

Not one for complexity he gleefully notes that the Tories may have a majority in England, but seems balefully unaware of the fact that we may be returning to sub-Panda politics in Scotland.

In short: if we elect your government then, who cares. If you influence ours it’s a catastrophe. Innit?

Geoffrey wins this weeks Hysterical Neighbours prize. The ceremony is in 9 days time.

Comments (39)

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  1. stubetsolais says:

    I have to ask, have any of those foaming at the mouth English and Anglo Scots ‘journalists’ ever read any history of these islands, I very much doubt it or I think they might stop and think before they spout their inane diatribes.

  2. Steve Mackie says:

    It is so hard not to be negative when confronted with this sort of really unpleasant racist stuff (and sadly expat Scots can be amongst the worst) day, after day ,after day during this never ending Election…. but then I pull myself together remember where I’m lucky enough to be and think ‘fuck ’em all’ I know how I’m voting on may7th! ……….

  3. revjimbob says:

    Do they mean us? They surely do!

  4. oldbattle says:

    The Prize? A weekend o free drink (May 8th-10) at the YES bar? But you guys can do better!

  5. Al McLean says:

    Warner is still alive? It appears he is wallowing in self loathing as he hates his own country and wishes he’d been born English.

    Kelvin, what can you say, using the savage plight of destitute people to push his opinion humorously.

    Never heard of the other guy, but he couldn’t tell his goose from his gander.

    Have all three of these obnoxious individuals not fallen from grace at one point or other?

  6. I have resolved never to let such obvious verbiage wind me up. I haven’t in the past and seriously doubt that I will a in the future count such luminaries as for example Mr MacKenzie as leading lights in our intellectual firmament. His surname not withstanding. Instead, I rather kind to take it as a scream of terror from the Establishment and their frustration that once again Britain seems set o reject a Tory government.
    We would do well to put their squealing in perspective, when we realise that it was as far back as 1992 since the Tories actually won a UK general election.Therefore we should have sympathy for the mad ravings of a party which like the Republicans in the U.S. seems incapable of alighting on the reasons for their ability to win a majority.

  7. Marcus Smith says:

    Interesting that the map has ‘Skintland’ written over it. I lived in Glasgow for 8 years before moving to the States and aside from the odd racist (English) jibe had a good time. If we’re pulling out the history argument (as the Scots often do – well, always) then let’s examine why the union came about. I think that once the money we gave you (and money is stereotypically important) is payed back for saving your asses then fine. Feel free to rule and judge and make false claims about oil etc. Until then zip it and look deeper into your own history.

    1. kailyard rules says:

      Marcus the period of history you refer to obviously needs more thorough scrutiny (by yourself) before any “argument” can commence.

    2. Darien says:

      The ‘noble’ Scots Lords were bribed, and the Scottish population was stuck with much of England’s debt as a result of union. Our economy and land has been fleeced ever since. Hardly democratic, dear boy. Criminal yes, democratic no. Ergo, the UK is a criminally constructed union, as well as being obviously undemocratic. Not something tae be proud o’, eh? As an aside, I assume you are aware your host nation is a former colony that told the UK where tae go?

      1. Heather says:

        Many many people do not know about the history of Scotland and what happened regards the union (takeover). I am from N E England and have lived in bonny Scotland for many many years and only recently started reading about the history and especially the Darien project etc. The Scottish parcel of rogues sure did sell Scotland for their own gain, the people rioted, and rightly so. The English establishment had it all worked out from day one, they knew exactly what to do to steal Scotland’s land and wealth. It hasn’t changed and the troughers in London have jaws clamped onto Scotland, if we weren’t their cash cow we would not be of any interest to them, simple.

        Get reading Marcus, I Know very little, but enough to know that Scotland was duped and has been for 300 yrs and now that has to come to an end, change is inevitable, times up for the London elite.

        Oh and I have never experienced any “racism” here, I have though, heard and read plenty of anti Scottish everything from England, even to the point of out and out racism, it’s disgusting.

        1. emmylgant says:

          Thank you for that Heather.

  8. Fife Oboe says:

    Ah. I always wondered what happened to Gerald Warner. Well, I didn’t really, but it seemed like the nicest thing I could say.

  9. Kenny says:

    “Take the SNP. I’m so old I can remember when Alex Salmond and his party were just a bunch of nutters wandering the back streets of Glasgow.”

    So can I. That is why I have to pinch myself when I am faced with the reality of Scotland in 2015:

    1. The SNP won the TV debate between the leaders of the seven parties, knocking the prime minister of the UK into second place.

    2. The SNP is polling roughly fifty percent in Scotland and is predicted to take the same number of seats.

    3. The SNP will probably hold the balance of power in Westminster, even without adding Plaid Cymru or Green allies.

    4. The Labour Party has been effectively wiped out as Scots have woken to the fact that they have been fooled for decades by these “red pawns” — and not they are so angry that Labour politicians are reduced to holding fake rallies with paid supporters at the crack of drawn.

    5. Scotland has woken from its slumber and is leading the UK by spearheading a democratic revolution.

    I can remember indeed when the SNP could hardly reach double digits in polls, when the idea of Scottish independence seemed a pipe-dream (now the only question is: how many years?), when in our village the local SNP member was pointed out as a curiosity…. and I literally have to pinch myself in delight at what has happened to my country. I would NEVER have believed it!

  10. Dave McEwan Hill says:

    Marcus Smith

    The money you paid “us” wasn’t paid to “us”.
    It was paid to our assorted cartel of lords,nobles and parliamentarians who had lost their money on the Darien Scheme. The famous “parcel of rogues”.
    They sold the rest of us to pay their own debts. You should have look at the history. The growing Scottish burghs were in fact cash rich the time of the union. The cash – called I think the Equivalent – was a poisoned chalice as in return we took on a share of England’s national debt (Scotland didn’t have wars with anybody and didn’t have a national debt).
    Plus ca change as they say. Look where we are with that now.

    The most telling fact about the union is the population comparison.
    At the time of the union Scotland’s population was about a third of England’s.
    By 1900 it was about one sixth.
    Now it is about one tenth
    Another union dividend, eh? Lots of empty Scotland.

    Scotland’s population is just about the same as it was a the start of WW1
    Every country now of comparable population size to Scotland has doubled its population since that time

    1. ian says:

      30000 thousand young Scots leave every year and this has gone on for decades thanks to low wages and poor job prospects.The population grows be aprox.3% a year the lowest in the developed west thats why we need immigration and without it we would be a moving even quicker to being a large old folks home.Norway’s population continues to grow at over 20% a year(i believe)simply because people are happy to live there.

    2. Fed up with the Lies and Propaganda of the London Media Industrial Complex says:

      The population of Scotland at the time of the 1707 Treaty of Union was 1 Million yet only 2000 Aristocrats were allowed to vote, not much of a democracy or really the settled will of the Scottish people, now was it ? and of course those nobles were bribed, so it was more like the Austrian Anschluss.

    3. macart763 says:

      Then of course Dave, there’s the piddling fact that Scotland has produced a net contributory surplus of £222bn in the past thirty years of course. (source:

      I think we more than paid our fair dues. 😉

  11. John says:

    When will they realise this stuff doesn’t work anymore?

  12. Wul says:

    They don’t like it up ’em! Do they Mr Manwairing?

  13. Bill McLean says:

    Dave McEwen Hill – that’s not fair quoting historical fact to Marcus. Don’t you know how much it upsets them when their propaganda based history is questioned/ Good Queen Bess eh???

    1. Fed up with the Lies and Propaganda of the London Media Industrial Complex says:

      Marcus, a simple soul, has I suspect been reading the Ladybird book of Bwitish History.

  14. macart763 says:

    I’m not feelin’ the love any more. Dave doesn’t write, he doesn’t call, doesn’t book Olympic stadia for press conferences…

  15. Ken MacColl says:

    Surely this is not the Gerald Warner who used to write incredibly pompous and condescending stuff in the Scotsman? Surely that one is no longer around./
    Kelvin MacKenzie is a more serious threat as anyone who heard only his name might mistake him for a Scot.
    They are really scraping the barrel and they are now down to the dregs.

  16. rab dornan says:

    I feel that at long last, these clowns, days of any influence are numbered. They have become so irrelevant now. Like members of some antiquated freak show!

  17. Neil says:

    I think that this weeks Hysterical Neighbours Prize should go to Mike Small for the Baltimore riots / UK general election analogy. Hopefully the election passes without the rozzers snapping someone’s neck.

  18. Douglas says:

    Terminate the poisonous Anglo ascendancy ASAP, please…

    …I had no idea piles of yellow bile and black vomit could make it to press….

  19. Bzzzz says:

    I fail to see why this cannot be reported to the police as a form of rascist (hate to use the word incorrectly) or hate crime.

    If it was heading in the other direction can you imagine the reaction and coverage!? So why should we accept it!?

  20. daibhidhdeux says:

    Marcus Smith
    Trust you are enjoying your “Limey” life across “The Pond” amongst “the natives” – those former colonials who ejected the Germanic Anglo-Brit crown.

    An applied thought experiment for you to try out there: Apply a permutation of your ahistorical guff vis a vis the War of Independence/Revolutionary War, and the circumstances leading up to it on the “natives” and monitor/log the effect on the quality of your life. I suspect that, a few throw back, vestigial Unionists aside who are ideological kin to the Empire Loyalists of Canada, you might find your welcome sorely and rapidly run out.

    Seriously, venture into a bar or two and run the hypothesis by them that they were damned ingrates of damned backward colonials eternally lost to hell and perdition for bovinely ejecting Albion’s civilizing hand.

    I suspect your analysis might secure you a less than welcome response from the said natives on an overwhelming, quantitative scale (the minority of pining, underground Britishers apart. And they do exist even to this day there as a Fifth Column and I met them crawling out of the woodwork during the Re-Independence Referendum).

    Perhaps, we can offer you succor and a bolt-hole back in Scotland when that applied thought experiment goes badly wrong, we have achieved the foundations of a progressive, truly democratic Scotland, and you can’t face the prospect of returning to a neo-medieval England?

    Anyway, luck with your applied history project in the former(?) colonies.

  21. Fed up with the Lies and Propaganda of the London Media Industrial Complex says:

    I always find it amusing when the English, a good and simple people, speak of Scotland, a far away country they know little of and care even less for. To them Scotland is just an extension of northern England, a county bit like Yorkshire, they probably think we’ve still got steam locomotives, gas lit street lamps and outside toilets. The attitude is dismissive laced with contempt.

    1. HerewardAwake! says:

      As are your own prejudiced generalisations on the English, sadly.

  22. Fed up with the Lies and Propaganda of the London Media Industrial Complex says:

    Gosh !! Demented swivil eyed Alan Cochrane’s name hasn’t been mention, ( the Julius Streicher of the Torygraph / Der Sturmer ) in his rabid hatred of all things Scottish.

  23. emilytom67 says:

    No matter how much muck/scorn they pour over us there are a large number of “Scots” prepared to accept this and have done since the 16th century,they are not “Scots” their allegiance lies down south they do not consider themselves Scots but British .

  24. Taxation without representation is quite the valid point. Why exactly do we have 59 MP’s in the parliament that taxes us when we used to have 79. Just because we have a parliament in Holyrood that decides how we spend some our money doesn’t we should be unequally represented at the UK level. Let’s be having our 20 other MP’s back!

  25. Harry says:

    Speaking as a unionist from England (yeah, I’m horrible, hate me if you like), may I say that Kelvin McKenzie is a cunt, and I apologise unreservedly to all Scots, whatever their politics, for anything my country may have done to make him more of a cunt. Thank you.

    1. Hey plater says:

      No Harry, you’re not horrible. Don’t apologise for McKenzie, he’s not your fault. He’s a rat and it’s well known. With a name like he has, I should apologise that somehow he was inflicted on you.

    2. Heather says:

      Would love to know your reasons for being a unionist, just out of interest. We in Scotland embrace all, and, we would like to determine our own future, and keep our own revenues to spend on what we see as important, not how the westminster troughers think it should be spent. Thank you.

      1. Harry says:

        Excuse the late reply, hadn’t been back to the site. My reasons are a bit mediaeval. If a foreign power was at the gates of Aberdeen, I would march there and defend my countrymen – i.e. the Scots, and I’m not remotely Scottish. I would have no similar loyalty to the people of, say, Amsterdam, although I have Dutch friends. When nationalists claim that an independent Scotland and England would remain as close as ever, like the Scandinavians, I think of the 2nd world war, when Sweden stayed neutral and traded with Germany after they’d invaded Denmark and Norway. It would disgust me if England did that to Scotland, and I could never forgive Scotland if they did it to us. I have nothing against home rule, self-determination, control over your own finances: I’m talking about loyalties in extremis. I know this is too much like blood & soil for comfort – mine too, but you did ask.

  26. Lee Rogers says:

    Wheatcroft is right about the Holyrood election system; it was specifically designed to stop the SNP ever holding power in the Scottish Parliament, and to ensure Holyrood would always have to work under a coalition, a supposedly weaker form of government. It would never then be any kind of threat to Westminster.

  27. Tuxi says:

    I am an American with ancestry from Scotland, Ireland, England and Wales, with some French and German for good measure, and a pinch of Swiss. However, I am still learning of the history of my ancestors, some good, some bad. However, I am proud of Scotland wanting independence, and can see why. All we heard over here was negativity over the question of independence, but when you don’t live in the country in the topic, how can you make an informed decision? I stand by Scotland and wish you the best. I want to visit there as soon as I can and see some of the areas of my grandparents, including Renfrewshire (Paisley).

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