A Future for UKIP
Brexit has broken the poor UKIP. As we write the current Ukip leader @HenryBolton (as of 15.15) is currently holed-up in a hotel in Folkestone, said to be appearing on Nigel Farage’s LBC phone-in tonight: Dumb and Dumberer doesn’t quite do justice to that prospect.
Day by day now we see people you’ve never heard of resigning from a party you’d forgotten existed. Even their weekly slot on Question Time seems in peril as the tiny band of swivel-eyed loons who tapped into the collective unconscious of Nowhere Land and Took Back Control march victoriously on.
Of course here in Scotland we have the titanic struggle between David Coburn and David Spokesperson for the soul of Loony Toons Dot Com Scottie Land (patent and domain name pending).
David Coburn, the sharp-eyed reader will recall announced his own leadership challenge last year: “to stop entryists, dilettantes and single issue loonies”. The maverick genius declared: “I have had enough.”
“I have had enough of pashmina sofa politics pushed on ukip I want a return to the good old days” before sadly falling to the dynamic and straight-talking Paul Nutall.
But voters are a fickle and grievous lot and its with some sadness we report that Coburn also lost his £500 General Election deposit after finishing with only 540 votes.
In fact none of the 10 UKIP candidates in Scotland reached the five per cent threshold necessary to have a deposit returned.
Do not despair though, according to UKUnity leader David Spokesperson they’ve reached over 2.6 billion people with their ground-breaking videos and stirring soundtracks.
You lot want another referendum? BRING IT.
The toff-elite can try their best: @NicolaSturgeon @joannaccherry @IanBlackfordMP @WingsScotland @rosscolquhoun @ScotNational @bellacaledonia @AlexSalmond @AngusMacNeilSNP @theSNP pic.twitter.com/tKM5MyXtJx
— UK Unity (@UKunityorg) January 21, 2018
Looking at it this way the mantle of nutty British nationalists is just passing from one proud vessel to another.
As one ship sinks below the waves another prow rises over the horizon clutching a flag from Trafalgar and launching a devastating social media campaign.
How did it come to this?
According to Tom Peck, it’s all been a matter of poor judgement:
“Ukip High Command, which has in the past knocked itself unconscious in a fist fight in the EU Parliament building, accused gay people of causing bad weather and a gay donkey of raping a horse, has told its leader he must stand down over his “poor judgement.”
Looking back Henry Bolton’s reign may be seen as a period of relative stability, this might be the Glory Days.
Sure he was no Titford, but he had real panache.
Here’s the leaders they’ve had so far:
Alan Sked [Sep 1993-May 1997]
Michael Holmes [Sept 1997 – January 2000]
Jeffrey Titford [January 2000 – October 2002]
Roger Knapman [October 2002 – September 2006]
Nigel Farage [September 2006 – November 2009]
Lord Pearson of Rannoch [November 2009 – October 2010]
Jeffrey Titford [September – November 2010]
Nigel Farage [November 2010 – September 2016]
Diane James [September 2016 – October 2016]
Nigel Farage [5 October 2016 – 28 November 2016
Paul Nuttall [ November 2016 – June 2017]
Steve Crowther [ June 2017 – 29 September 2017]
Henry Bolton [? ]
The Mirror has called them “a hollowed out, skin-flaking cusp of a party” but let’s not be so kind.
There could however be another way forward.
Far be it for us to give out advice, but have Davids Spokesperson and Coburn thought of combining forces?
Consider the rhetorical brilliance of Coburn and the devilish social media cunning of Spokesperson in ONE PARTY? If UK Unity means anything at all then surely we should be casting vile separatism apart and pooling and sharing?