Theresa May’s Alternative Burns Supper is a bold and wonderful act of absurdism, attempting to re-work Burns as a figure of Unionism. It’s a strange list of misspelled names, funders, pet journalists, token Jocks, lickspittle MPs and an odd assortment of slebs issued from No 10 (we checked).

Great to hear that Brakes Brothers (providing shit food to your schools and hospitals for years) were doing the catering, with Gary Maclean (brown-nosing three ways?) offering some tuiles to the Tory spin.

But there’s a lack of detail here that’s worrying.

Obviously Josh Littlejohn would do Holy Willies Prayer, but who did the Immortal Memory?

We can imagine David Mundell scratching his beard for starters (crispy haggis anyone?) and Boyd Tunnock’s a cert for the dessert, but who did the Address to the Lassies, and in the absence of the Colonel (off to Davos) who did the reply?

Perhaps Karen Betts of the ‘Scottish Whisky Association‘ or uber-faithful Merryn Somerset Webb of Moneyed Week?

Who performed the Address to a Haggis?

Maybe Sir Henry Angest? As one Andy Wightman reports: “Angest has provided almost £7 million to the Conservative party in loans and donations between 2001 and 2010 (1) He was also a funder of Atlantic Bridge, the charity that funded Adam Werrity’s excursions around the world with Liam Fox. He also owns Ashmore estate in Perthshire under the name of Rora investments Ltd., a company registered in Jersey.”

Or how about Ian Bankier? Celtic chairman and one of the signatories to the Better Together open letter to the Scotsman on Wed 27 Aug 2014. I’m sure Celtic fans will be delighted to know he was doused in Scotch (remember he was the guy who previously branded Celtic fans ‘criminally racist’ for opposing the actions of Tory peer Baron Livingston of Parkhead).

Or what about Sir Amyas Morse, head of the ‘impartial’ National Audit Office  ?

Or perhaps Angus Grossart chair of think-tank Scotland International Ltd (SIL) who recently hosted Steve Bannon in Gleneagles Hotel  – and of Charlotte Street Partners?

We’re hoping that this gathering of neeps and tatties gave it laldy with …

Address to his Troops at Bannockburn

wept at…

There For Honest Poverty (A Man’s a Man)

and listened carefully to…

The Twa Dogs or Epistle to Davie.

Burns detested corruption in politics.

In  A Dream he suggests the Prime Minister’s cabinet would be better mucking dung in a byre than holding public office.

He described Pitt’s Tory government were a ‘profligate junto’, and a pack of ‘unprincipled miscreants’.

He defines Westminster politics as a process of ‘nefarious cunning and hypocritical pretence’ to govern society ‘for the emolument of ourselves and our adherents’ and damned politicians for ‘that horrid mass of corruption called Politics & State-Craft!’

This hilarious stunt posturing as a celebration of the ‘enduring union’ has probably done more to politicise Burns Night than anything in years.