The Positive Case for the Union

“From us here in this hall, from me, from this party, from this country, from England, Wales, Northern Ireland and it’s this: We want you to stay.”

The Tory Party has been meeting in Manchester blaming poor people, young people and unemployed people for the countries woes. This mixture of forced labour and a lurch to the right in a full-scale assault on the poorest and most vulnerable sections of society may not imediately appeal to you, but there’s good news. They’ve put the positive case for the Union, with David Cameron giving over 50 seconds to the question in his big speech.

Here’s their Top 5 Reasons we really are “Better Together”…

1. This could be the end of the Tories as we know them.  Ruth Davidson warned: “This could be your last UK Conservative conference.”

Positive case? We could lose the Tories, forever!

2. David Cameron might lose Michael Gove as a Cabinet member. Gove apparently is a “cross between Mr Chips and the Duracell Bunny”. This would indeed be a tragedy for the whole country. As he’s the MP for Surrey it doesn’t really make any difference but he’s probably he’s maybe the only Scot they know of (look a lot of these people aren’t too bright don’t baffle them with facts). This is the man who has sent the army into schools as he thinks ex-soldiers are going to be ideal to help turn around England’s failing education system.

For those of you not familiar with Home Counties cultural references, ‘Mr Chips’, is, apparently a film from the 1930s (always on trend the Tories).

Positive case? Don’t break up a winning team (even if Education is devolved so, er.. looks let’s just move on okay…)

3. “We love you Scotland!” – you might not have realised it from this – this – or, indeed this – but as that scallywag Andy Wightman put it: “Of course the Tories love Scotland. They & members of the Cabinet own great chunks of it!”

Now this might be thought of as a rhetorical outburst but they really do. We’re thinking Richard Benyon, Tory donor Duke of Buccleuch (who owns so much land nobody knows how much), Lord Astor, former Tory MP David Heathcoat-Amory (who had to pay back £30,000 for gardening and cleaning expenses), Charles Hendry, former Energy Secretary (since 2012, he has been the Prime Ministerial Trade Envoy to Azerbaijan, Kazakhstan and Turkmenistan –  a nice gig just ask Craig Murray) – he owns Blair Castle in Ayrshire, Lord Lindsay, Robin Cayzer, the 3rd Baron Rotherwick, of Tylney in the County of Southampton.

Here’s Glenmazeran Estate (pictured above), owned by Richard Benyon, the Environment and Fisheries Minister in the UK Government (August 2011) and here’s the Daily Mail’s Paul DAcre’s estate.

Positive case? Er, they love us!

4. Tartan Theresa warns that only in the union would be protected (Daily Mail stylee) from the horrors of Schengen. You know what that means don’t you? The F word. Yikes, yes foreigners on our land, stealing our women and all that bad stuff.

May in her £215 ‘Polly’ jewel-heeled lace ups from Russell & Bromley said: “And people want to know – and they have the right to know – what handing over those powers will mean. Joining Europe’s borderless Schengen area … will open Scotland’s border up to mass immigration.”

(Psst. Don’t tell Theresa that there is already free movement for all citizens across the EU, including the UK, an independent Scotland and the rest of the UK will both be successor states – and will therefore inherit exactly the same status within the EU, including not being in the Schengen area.)

Positive case? No foreigners will taint your soil.

5. David Cameron spelled it our crystal clear: “We want to stick together. Think of all we’ve achieved together – the things we can do together. The nations – as one. Our Kingdom – United.”

Plus, Magna Carta! Yes!

“When the world wanted rights, who wrote Magna Carta? When they wanted representation, who built the first Parliament? When they looked for compassion, who led the abolition of slavery? When they searched for equality, who gave women the vote? When their freedom was in peril, who offered blood, toil, tears and sweat? And today – whose music do they dance to?”

Now the Magna Carta (1215) will be celebrated in 2015 but it’s a profoundly  English document (it specifies Jews, Scots and Welsh as foreigners) but I’m less convinced by the idea of Britain as a font of all things equal and free. In fact as we know it’s The Fourth Most Unequal Country in the Developed World.
But thankfully we’ve got the music!

Positive case? Large scale delusion rules.