Do you view attachment to Britain as essential to Scotland’s cultural success? In the endless search for the winner of this contest – we may have a late entry winner.

According to John Major we can’t decide our own government in Scotland because we’d lose boyband One Direction.

Speaking yesterday  before a House of Lords committee, the 70-year-old former PM and dashing lothario John Major cited One Direction as one of the ­British exports which help give the country an enviable standing across the world. Downton Abbey plus Adele and Susan Boyle were also on his list of cultural successes which “reflect a rather favourable impression on Britain”. Alongside language, ­democracy, the rule of law, the monarchy, the BBC, the Financial Times and the City of London as a financial centre, they had helped create an unrivaled profile, he suggested.

Does anyone think it’s just a little bit insulting to, well the rest of the world to suggest that other places don’t enjoy ‘language’ ‘democracy’ the ‘rule of law’? It’s a kind of monstrous Anglocentric worldview dumped on the rest of us dressed up as thinking. It shows a complete hermetically sealed oblivion to the obvious crisis of policing, due process and state illegality that Britain has suffered in recent years and a bizarre and relentless deference to the institutions of finance that dominate our economics. No surprise.
Nor is it surprising that the idea of a ‘favourable impression of Britain’ is that cast up in Downtown Abbey by Julian Alexander Kitchener-Fellowes, Baron Fellowes of West Stafford DL (Conservative member of the House of Lords), where aristocratic values and a virtual cast system are championed.
But what’s really annoying about Major’s havering is that we bloody well invented boybands. Crank up the volume and get your Shang-a-Lang on … it’s Rollers for Indy time!