31A0984900000578-0-image-a-15_1456882291429For months everyone thought it was a Little Britain spoof, or maybe a Rory the Tory project, but no, now it seems that Clean for the Queen  is not a comedy meme but an actual thing, in the real world, in the 21st Century, in the country you live in. It’s the cringeworthy embodiment of everything that is wrong with Britain, it’s like living in a medieval theme park.

Here Spectator editor and Telegraph columnist Toby Young moans about why everyone’s not getting right behind the idea, another example of an elite completely detached from reality. He argues that somehow having Marks and Spencers, the Cubs, and Macdonalds involved is some sign of Britain’s Big Society at play. Sometimes I hate being tethered to this country so much I want to stab my eyes out with a fork.

This is the most abhorrent, patronising, feudalistic, impoverishing, dire shite I have ever experienced. It’s the transmission of a British state ideology of deference, a way of treating people like peasants. If you worried that Osborne and Iain Duncan Smith’s benefits changes took us back to Victorian Britain, be reassured it’s the Middle Ages they’re aiming for.

Vacuum Your Villages! Spruce your Cities! 

Along with “put on a proper suit, do up your tie and sing the national anthem” and the God Save the Queen for All proposal we seem to have descended further into a new hell of enforced British grovelling. As the brilliant Laurie Penny points out:

“Back in the real world, the reason Britain has a problem with litter because local councils have been forced to cut their budgets by up to 40 per cent in two years, for no good reason other than to fund Tory tax breaks for the same companies that are sponsoring “Clean for the Queen”. Councils have had to choose between closing their child crisis centres, shutting down libraries, or firing half their cleaning staff. Many of the “grot spots” that the beleaguered Clean For The Queen social media team has chosen to shame in public are untidy precisely because they’ve had to get rid of the people who were actually employed to tidy up.”

Now getting not her stride she continues:

“The poor don’t need money, they need a better attitude. Recently Frank Field, who is a Labour MP in the same way that Donald Trump is a man of the people, opined in the Telegraph that children should be required to sit through lessons in how to avoid poverty – not by joining a union and agitating for humane wages, but by getting married. This advice, aimed at young girls, would have appeared retrograde in the 1950s, but in today’s Britain it is acceptable for a politician to declare that marriage must be prioritised as “the great civilising force on males”. “Of course no one should advocate the continuation of a partnership that involves mental or physical abuse,” writes Field. “But the possibility of such abuse must not be used to promote single parenthood.”

This confluence of traditional values, enforced deference and corporate sponsorship is a new low in Parody Britain.

Ideas for creative resistance welcome…