You’ve got to love David Torrance – purveyor of a weekly corrective in your Monday Herald. This week he is explaining with all the patience of a grandfather to a retarded child how the Better Together campaign may have suggested that this was some kind of partnership we were in… but really what they meant to say was … do what you’re ******* told.

“Sure there was lots of talk about the UK being a “family of nations”, but that isn’t the same thing as arguing that Scotland and England somehow occupy the same family home on an equal basis” he writes dolefully.

Quite David. On what basis do we occupy the family home? We’re not told. It’s got to be either a parent child relationship or a very dominant partner?

He goes on: “The only senior Unionist to use the phrase “partnership of equals” was the former Prime Minister Gordon Brown, but he was talking about his (unfulfilled) proposals for a quasi federal UK rather than the starts quo.

Er, quite. Now squealing with self-evident half-truths and pearls of innocuous nothingness he continues:

“No country, be it Brexit Britain or an independent Scotland, can ever be “fully independent”. And beyond the theoretical “equality” between sovereign nations, there will always be big states and small, more or less powerful countries.”

Fascinating stuff. goes on: “Just as Scotland can’t be “equal” to England by dint of geography, population and economics, nor can Ireland or Denmark be “equal” to Germany and France”.


Try telling any one of these countries that they’re not actually independent.

I’m trying to follow the sage-like logic, but I think I have it. Geography and size determines your power. So the bigger you are the more powerful you are. So that’s why England is very powerful but Scotland, sorry, not so much.

That’s why Greenland, Kazakhstan and Australia are three of the most powerful nations in the world, but poor old Norway is just a failed state basically. India, obviously with its big population is fabulously wealthy and experiences no poverty at all. Africa’s basically the same, though it suffers from not having, er, England’s geography. Got it?

I think this week we’re all feeling the love, whether it be Ruth Davidson’s exultant self-hatred or John Cleese’s view of “half-educated tenement Scots” running the English media. But it’s useful to have this “intrinsically unequal” relationship once and for all.

While we’re at it – in case you’re finding all of this a bit like trip down Orwell’s Memory Hole –  you probably thought that Theresa May said even as recently as July that she was “willing to listen to options” on Scotland’s future relationship with the European Union (silly you)  – here’s a quick reminder of Ruth Davidson and Theresa May’s actual views on the single market and the EU prior to completely changing their minds …