enhanced-buzz-27536-1410868862-9Theresa May’s St Andrew’s Day address sounds like it was written by Frankie Boyle and Alan Bissett on a big night out, but apparently it’s for real. Namedropping engineering, inventing the telephone and penicillin its like she’s reading off the back of a teatowel from 1974. You half expect her to slip on a See You Jimmy Hat and open up a Broon’s annual before lauding the economic benefits of the Irn-Bru doughnut.

“And with Scotland’s pioneering spirit as a vital element in our union of nations, I am confident that together we can seize the opportunities of the future and ensure the continued success of our United Kingdom for generations to come…”

Delivered with all the panache and sincerity of a minister in the dying days of the Ceaușescu regime, her teeth-grinding address is like a tick-box of Jock Cliche, minus only the Krankies and Paladin for the full Scotch Bingo card.

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