They are still saying “Strong and stable”.

This is like Stepford Wives politics. These people are automatons. And clock this, the bar has been lowered further. No longer is the plan to negotiate the most complex deal in history with Emmanuel Macron and Angela Merkel but the real challenge is to try and fix a deal with Arlene Foster and Sammy Wilson:

These are the Men Who Stare at Goat Paper. Waiting for the ink to dry on ancient vellum, the farce of British decrepit institutions meets desperate Tory opportunism today. Expect a crescendo of denial and deference as an entire generation shakes its head in disbelief.

Both the Queen’s Speech and the Brexit negotiations have been pushed back as the Tory crisis unravels.

Tweeddale Dumb and Tweedle D

Meanwhile Tweedale Dumb and Tweedle D were at Downing Street.

The Scottish Tory leader is being feted for yet another u-turn on Brexit.

To recap: she was at first staunchly against it, then a proud defender of it, now she’s kinda against it again.

Remember Ruth’s famous ‘You deserve the truth” performance:


Then she backed Theresa May’s hard Brexit.

This flip-a-flop, we’re told is brilliant and in “the Scottish interest”.

Confused Times pundit Kenny Farquharson tweeted:

The ever-quippy Peat Worrier continues:

Private, modest and working secretly in the public interest, without a thought for personal or political advancement. Yes that’s the way we’ve come to associate closely with Ms Davidson.

It’s not the only thing she’s confused about.

Having backtracked superfast about the idea of setting up an actual autonomous Tory Party (see Panzer Division) its now being reported that: “Ms Davidson said her 13 Scottish Conservative MPs will follow the tradition of being a “separate party” in the House of Commons on important issues like Brexit.”

Davidson said: “I think my 13 MPs are all individuals and each and every one of them will play their full part in the House of Commons. In Scotland we do come from a liberal tradition, we were a separate party at one time, and I would expect them to carry that tradition into the House of Commons and I look forward to their progress.”

You might want to question that great ‘liberal tradition” the Scottish Tories come from. Answers on a  postcard please.

Kenny Farquharson was joined by Sky’s Faisal Islam who here manages to describe the Scottish Tories as ‘technically the 4th biggest Party’:

This is going pure Game of Thrones. The Quine in the North is making a human shield from her new Tory MPs to protect her own political reputation, and to protect “Scotland” from those nasty DUP homophobes.

But it’s not going to end well. Ruth’s (re) positioning on Brexit may be to put pressure on Theresa May, and good luck to her on that, but the Tory party is now caught between the wounded hapless leader and a large Boris-shaped buffoon waiting in the wings. The Conservative realists urging pragmatism, dialogue and negotiation around Brexit are flanked on the other side by Hard Brexiteers and ex-UKIPers slavering in the corner. Somethings got to give.

Ruth is being canonised before our very eyes.

But there are difficulties – despite having some common ground with the DUP (a key demand is thought to be that there should be no referendum on Irish unity) – and despite Ruth tweeting earlier in the week “as a Protestant Unionist” it will be difficult for her to control or spin the fallout from their other demands:

In a 2015 document, the party set out 45 key demands for hung parliament negotiations. These included:

  • Changes to corporation tax
  • Increased health and education spending in Northern Ireland
  • Scrapping the bedroom tax
  • A guaranteed seat at the Cabinet for a Secretary of State for Northern Ireland;
  • Removal of allowances from parties who refuse to attend the House of Commons (Sinn Fein)
  • Protection in law for the official display of the Union Flag and the symbols of our nation
  • Legislation for a new way forward on parading which respects the fundamental rights of assembly

The main thing is that it’s almost impossible to see how the Tories political expedience won’t scupper the Good Friday Agreement and threaten a carefully nurtured and invaluable peace. But importantly too the marching season is soon to be upon us. If the Flegs stuff and the march on Drumcree stuff gets the nod there’s no doubt an emboldened Orange Movement will be banging the drum on the streets of Scotland.

For most of the Cabinet (not a single one of the twelve new Scottish Tory MPs has been appointed to the government), the culture of the DUP is a distant and abstract concept. They’re not big in Surrey Heath.

If violence spills out from this in our cities, as is often the case, you wonder if the public veneration of Davidson will be so palatable, even for gullible journalists?