Onybody fir a pint o cauld sick? Or hou aboot some deid huddie? If naebody’s up for it puir wee Dougie Ross will juist hae tae blaw his wheestle oan it an fling the hale lot intae the Thames.

The pairt time fitba referee an Conservative Member o Parliamint fir Moray was gien the boak owre his Westmeester leader renegin on the promise tae ‘tak back control’ o the fishin industry. He says the negotiatit transition deal wull be as welcome tae the fishermen as a pint o cauld sick.

Afore the election, the Scottish Tories haed makit a vow tae the fisherfolk o the North-East: they wad be oot o the Common Fisheries Policy by Mairch 2019. They said it was a reid line for them. But noo it transpires they’ve tae hing on until 2021. So its no a reid line ony mair its a reid face! It didnae help aither whan the Tory chief whip telt Ross an his ilk tae juist swally the transition deal negotiated wi Europe sin ‘its no lik the fishermen are gonnae vote Labour’.

It maun rankle an aw that it wis his ain pairty in the 1970s that regairdit Scottish fishermen as expendable gaein intae the EU. They niver aince e’en tried tae negotiate a better deal. He’ll ken fine weel noo fae his dealins wi Westmeenster this week, that naethin hae chaingit on that front; thae wull sell oot the fishermen whan thae leave.

It micht be the case that Scottish vessels accoont for 62% o landins, thats mair than double that o the English fleet. But Dougie’s juist foond oot that the interests o 12000 fu time fishermen micht be important politically, but luikit at fae London an in the big Brexit scheme o things, economically spikkin its verra sma fry indeed!

EU heid bummers said European fishin boats shuid hae permanent access tae British fishin grun efter Brexit. The demand is pairt o the negotiation guidelines for the hindmaist Brexit trade talks. It wis the ainly industry tae be individually highlichtit by the European Cooncil wi regairds tae the UK-EU free trade agreement. That shuirly shaws the importance Europe pits on fishin an whit a fine barterin tool it micht be for Theresa May. Passportin onybody?

Despite aw their bluster anent bein selt oot, nane o the Scottish Conservative MPs noo seem owre keen tae vote agin it whan it cams afore Parliament. Giein thirsels the comfort o thinkin it wull aw be fine efter the transition.

The Scottish Government’s Cabinet Secretary for the Rural Economy Fergus Ewing isnae impressit aither, accusin the Conservatives o lettin doon the industry sin it wull be subject tae EU quotas throuoot the 21-month transition but wioot ony UK representation in the setting o thaim. He’s askin anaw if ony o thaim wad cam on the record tae guarantee thae wadnae be tradin awa fishin rights efter the transition period. Colin Clark MP for Gordon wis askit that verra question by Gordson Brewer on Sunday Politics Scotland. Mair bluster an nae answer.

Dougie Ross haed planned tae gae doon the River Thames on a boat whaur he wad fling huddies owreboard whan it wis passin by Westmeenster. It wis tae be a symbolic gesture agin bein let doon owre the fishin promises by his ain pairty. It turned oot that whiles he he did gae on the boat, it wis Nigel Farage that daed the huddie flingin, sin the tory pairty whips telt wee Dougie tae pipe doon an keep his fishy fingers in his pooch.