‘Jack’s Back’

‘Jack’s Back’ the Times tells us, with strong accidental Shining vibes …

After more than a decade out of government, Jack McConnell is being touted for a return to the corridors of power as Sir Keir Starmer and the team around him start to map the structure of a future Labour administration at Westminster https://t.co/u9XnBKfpC7

— The Times and The Sunday Times Scotland (@timesscotland) September 4, 2023

Hovering above Edinburgh with a giant shiny face, channeling both the Wizard of Oz and the Teletubbies Sun-Baby, Jack is accompanied by the words ‘New Labour New Scotland New Britain‘ floating meaninglessly in the clouds. He is seen drinking (something, possibly Kool-Aid) with Tony Blair and having a laugh with the Queen (RIP Ma’am).

Labour’s return in Scotland – and elsewhere – risks descending into the hyper-banal. If Jack’s imminent return has the juices flowing of every orphaned centrist typing for The Times, how good is their reading of the room? Alistair Grant, the Scotsman’s Political Editor positively purred at the prospect of the return of Douglas Alexander:

“The SNP’s record in Westminster is “a study in impotence and failure”, according to Douglas Alexander, the New Labour grandee who is seeking to make a dramatic return to frontline politics in Scotland”

This is Scottish politics with recent history airbrushed out. But what does it say about the scribes and editors of the Times and the Scotsman that they are so excited about the return of such characters? What solutions to our present crises do they imagine Douglas Alexander or Jack McConnell have?

Can anyone remember any substantial ideas either contributed to Scottish politics?

‘Jack’s Back’ – but why? To do what?

It’s no just that – in the immortal words of Logan Roy ‘these are not serious people’ – it’s that they have no political project. The reason ‘New Labour New Scotland New Britain’ are floating free, pale and indistinct is that none of them have any meaning, nor do any of the individuals have anything to say about them.

The Manel on the left of the image is such an Old Guard it’s not funny. The Times beaming confident pitch is for the people who will lead and inspire the nation (‘New Scotland New Britain’) are Robin Cook, Jack McConnell, Donald Dewar, Gordon Brown, George Robertson and Tony Blair.

It’s 2023.

‘Jack’s Back’ – but where’s he been and what’s he been doing?

If both the Holyrood and Westminster governments look like tired administrations, the alternative we are told by the faithful commentariat, is Douglas Alexander and Jack McConnell. These are yesterday’s politicians but they act as a comfort blanket for their friends in the media perpetually disoriented by the arrival of the Gnasty Gnats. Now, everything will return to the good ole days. They don’t need to have political ideas, inspiration or energy, they just need the warm unchallenging familiarity of Scottish Labour.

It raises so many questions like: what would this Void actually do in office? And, how would the Scottish media who salivate over their return – and many of whom are personal friends – treat them once they were back? I mean most of the ‘top columnists’ make their living out of bashing the damned nationalists. Would their relentless ‘Everything is Shit’ narrative need to be adjusted to circumstances, if as we’re told, their pals were running the country? How would London Labour and Scottish Labour interact? What would they actually do?

The return of Jack & Co is to awaken from a dream (or a nightmare). The hope is we wake up in 2007 and pretend that none of the last sixteen years happened at all.