Found Out

So the story started that Thomas Tuchal was a tactical mastermind, an ‘elite coach’ that would take England beyond the ‘woke’ and amateur niceness of Gareth Southgate and his cardigans; that Jude Bellingham and Harry Kane were world-class footballers in the same class as Lionel Messi and Kylian Mbappé, and that football was, finally, finally, coming home. On Wednesday, news channels were running stories about the national holiday that would be called when England won the World Cup.

Now all of that has dissolved, and Tuchal is a national scapegoat for the England’s team’s deficiencies, which were brutally exposed at the hands of the first top-ten team they met.

As STV’s Ewen Cameron succinctly put it: “Here are all the ENGLAND fixtures from qualifying to reaching the World Cup semi finals: Albania, Serbia, Latvia, Andorra, Panama, Ghana, Croatia, Congo, Mexico, Norway Scotland played more top 10 nations in three games than England did in TEN GAMES before facing Argentina TEN GAMES before facing Argentina.”

Now, in the latest national tantrum, Tuchal is now in the stocks. He will resign when he sees the level of vitriol coming his way.

Ever nurturing a sense of historical grievance, the reaction to defeat by Argentina south of the border has been a mixture of self-pity, conspiracy and pure rage. The whole story of England’s expression of national identity through the prism of football is one of extraordinary, off-the-scale self-entitlement. The presumption of moral and technical superiority oozes from the broadcast media as the tabloids leech jingoism and casual racism daily. Now footage of bereft fans dressed as Lions or Crusaders is the imagery dominating the coverage teams exit from the tournament, as the post-mortem kicks-in. “How could this possibly have happened?” is only a real question if you start from the premise that you are pre-destined to win, even if there is a huge amount of evidence that you are not.

As if to divert attention from the bitter realities of football, attention has turned instead to The Despicable Argentinians. In a sterling effort to confirm that a country obsessed with Count Binface had seriously deteriorated its politics into light farce, Keir Starmer began demanding that FIFA somehow investigate the Argentinian players who held up a banner about the Malvinas

Keir Starmer wants Fifa investigation into Argentina players who held Falklands banner | World Cup 2026 | The Guardian

Keir Starmer’s official spokesperson: “The World Cup might not be ours but the Falkland Islands definitely are” Asked who the PM would be supporting in the final, the spokesperson said: “The PM wishes both teams well for the final, especially Spain.”

Ed Davey joined in the nonsense, publishing a letter to Gianni Infantino that  called on FIFA to ban the six Argentine players who celebrated with the “Falklands are Argentine” banner from playing in Sunday’s final. :

The misnamed GB News joined in the hysteria:

‘A massive political statement.’

‘Kick them out!’

Bev Truner and Nick Pisa react to the controversy sparked after Argentina players paraded a ‘Las Malvinas is Argentine’ flag following England’s World Cup exit.

📺 Freeview 236, Sky 512, Virgin 604 pic.twitter.com/LtuICUzF4Z

— GB News (@GBNEWS) July 16, 2026

As the national meltdown gets into full swing, there are now calls for Argentinian players to be (somehow) banned from the English leagues, and for the visas of the Argentinian team to be revoked. None of this legal, or even rational. But a whole nation regurgitating Thatcher’s imperial propaganda war from the early 1980s shows us where we are right now.

Ed Davey has nothing to say of any substance about anything, and Keir Starmer, in his last few days in office, is someone who found it impossible to recognise a genocide happening in real-time, but finds real outrage about some players waving a banner at a football game.

The soul-searching and recriminations should start with a look at why such a mid-ranking nation with such a poor record at international level expects to win a World Cup.  It might also reflect on why the idea of the Falklands, with all of its militaristic, imperial baggage is still a defining political issue in 2026.

 

Disclaimer.

Yes I know, it goes without saying that England are far better than Scotland at football and our World Cup was a shambles. And, yes, Scotland suffers from its own pathologies and self-delusion about our football culture.

The Malvinas does belong to Argentina.

This will be the last article about football for some time.