NO

[After Christopher Logue, I Shall Vote Labour (1966)]

I shall vote No because, without Westminster, We’d never have got rid of the Poll Tax

I shall vote No because eight hundred thousand Scots live in England, and there are no jobs here to match their talents and meet their aspirations

I shall vote No, because my grandmother was a MacDougall

I shall vote No in case Shell and BP leave and take their oil with them

I shall vote No because otherwise we would have to give back the pandas

I shall vote No because I am feart

I shall vote No because the people who promised us a better deal if we voted No in 79, and warned us of the dire consequences of devolution in 97, tell us we should

I shall vote No so as not to let down my fellow socialists in Billericay and Basildon

and

I shall vote No, because if we got rid of Trident and stopped taking part in illegal wars we would be a target for terrorism

I shall vote No because if I lived under a government that listened to me and had policies I agreed with, I wouldn’t feel British

I shall vote No because the RAF will bomb our airports if we are a separate country

I shall vote No because to vote Yes dishonours the Dead of the Great War, who laid down their lives for the rights of small nations

I shall vote No, lest being cut off from England turns Red Leicester cheese and Lincolnshire sausages into unobtainable foreign delicacies, like croissants, or bananas

I shall vote No, because, as a progressive, I have more in common with Billy Bragg or Tariq Ali, who aren’t Scottish, than some toff like Lord Forsyth, who is.

I shall vote No, because the certainty of billions of pounds worth of spending cuts to come is preferable to the uncertainty of wealth

I shall vote No, because it is blindingly obvious that Scotlands voice at the UN, and other international bodies, will be much diminished if we are a member-state

I shall vote No because having a parliament with no real power, and another which is run by people we didnt vote for, is the best of both worlds

I shall vote No because I trust and admire Nick Clegg, who is promising us Federalism when the Liberals return to office

I shall vote No, because Emma Thompson would vote No, and her Dad did The Magic Roundabout

I shall vote No, because A.C. Grayling would vote No,and his Mum was born on Burns Night

I shall vote No because David Bowie asked Kate Moss to tell us to, and he lives in New York and used to be famous

I shall vote No, because nobody ever asks me what I think

I shall vote No, because a triple-A credit rating is vital in the modern world

I shall vote No because things are just fine as they are

I shall vote No because the English say they love us,

and that if we vote Yes, they will wreck our economy.