Strong and Stable. Full steam ahead.


Captain May kept the boat headed for the iceberg; she was damned if she was going to let Ensign Corbyn take the wheel. Ensign Corbyn kept quiet and shushed his men; there was no way he was going to be the first to say we’re headed for an iceberg. Soon enough it would be too late to turn; they both secretly hoped the passengers would notice and a cry would go up, “iceberg! – turn the ship around”.

There had been mutters in the crew, even among the mutineers, but Ensign Corbyn had sent them below. Soon enough the passengers would have to be told about the iceberg, soon enough the collision would happen, but the Captain and the Ensign were determined not to speak out, not to get the blame for the presence of the iceberg in these Arctic waters.

What mattered was that one of them would be at the wheel when the ship went down. After all, what did the passengers matter compared to the Captaincy? As for the passengers, many of them recognised the iceberg, but they trusted Ensign Corbyn – sort of – as he’d be such a fine Captain, so they kept quiet. Down below, its true, there were some shouts in funny accents – Scots, Welsh, Irish, and some cockney, saying “That’s a bloody iceberg, change course”, but no one listened to them.

Comments (10)

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  1. Andrew says:

    This is childish bollocks on every level I can think of (I’ll expand if required) and definitely the stupidest commentary I have so far seen in Bella Caledonia.
    You do do better, why allow this piece of shoddy shite?

    1. Hi Andrew, this is a satirical piece meant to be humorous.

      We publish in a range of styles and tones.

      Remember that if you don’t like something, its not actually imperative that you leave a comment saying its ‘shite’.

    2. DC says:

      A doo doo comment.

      The piece is pointed and expresses out loud (and reiterates) what so many of us are thinking.

  2. Legerwood says:

    Succinct and to the point. Sums the current situation up very well.

  3. J Galt says:

    Ensign is not a Merchant navy rank – Corbyn’s the First Mate in every way.

  4. Mach1 says:

    Down in the boiler room stoker Davidson was desperately trying to get up a head of steam, bad-mouthing all and sundry in a vain bid to detract from Captain May’s misguided stewardship. Brays from the cargo hold revealed even the donkeys knew that the game was up. Up on deck, those dragging a line to catch their supper also knew the game was up. They had no say on the conduct of the bloody difficult captain.

    When will someone let the farmers and fishermen who voted Scottish Tory know that the loss of EU subsidy and protections, low-cost seasonal workers and access to European markets for exports, and cross licensing, will spell catastrophe for their industries. Meanwhile, Stoker can blame the Scottish Government all she likes. She’s toast.

  5. Tony rozga says:

    I have just read this out to my family in a style that suits the writing, if you know what I mean. And it is a brilliant take on the current situation. It is so relavent and gets you thinking of all the various manoeuvres politicians are trying.

    I really enjoyed this great piece.

  6. w.b.robertson says:

    Hang on… our farmers and fishermen are being warned “the loss of EU subsidies and protections, low cost seasonal workers, and access to European markets for exports, and cross licensing, will spell catastrophe…” Is that the type of economy we want? Presumably, in some feather bedded future, the new Scots would live in huts and rely on selling beads to the tourist busloads. (while still making a net contribution to the mighty EC!)

  7. bringiton says:

    As far as Brexit goes,the People have spoken,the bastards and for once the Westminster politicians appear to be listening (wonder why?).
    At least,listening to England’s voters,as usual.
    No one is listening to Scotland,as usual.

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