2007 - 2022

Couple Eat a Sandwich, Crowds Line the Streets

A Prince and Princess have arrived in Edinburgh to stop homelessness by eating a sandwich.

The Evening News tell us that a miniature pony has joined the band “entertaining the lively crowd at Edinburgh Castle ahead of visit of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.”

How miniature the pony and how lively the crowd we’re not told. Our photo (right) gives you some idea of the scale.

Rumours are quashed that an early edition of the paper ran with the front-page headline: “Look a tiny Pony!”

Someone called Allie Hodgkins-Brown, the BBC ‘Home Duty Editor’ (whatever that is) tells us that “Meghan is wearing long dark tartan coat & big black flared trousers”.

The Mirror covered the event “live” and explained that:

“The £1,995 double-breasted jacket is part of Christopher Bailey’s latest shoppable runway collection and is made of a wool and cashmere blend.”

There’s a very real danger that this huge Tartan Coat sensation is in danger of overshadowing the more important sandwich-eating duties that the Princess is here for.

But worry not that eating a range of social-enterprise-pastries might ruin the Princess’s figure or complexion.

This is taken care of.  An email tell us that as a personal recommendation from Queen Letizia of Spain (and Leonardo DiCaprio, who also likes sandwiches) she uses biotulin (a biological alternative to Botox):

“Crow’s feet, forehead wrinkles, the glabella between the eyebrows, and naso-labial folds are made visibly smoother, as demonstrated in studies of Biotulin’s effectiveness.”

Panic averted.

A confused @Southsidegirrrl asks:

“Why are we crediting a sandwich shop as somehow having insight into how to solve complex, multi-layered social problems?”


Comments (24)

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  1. Graeme Purves says:

    I think you are jumping the One O’Clock Gun, Mike. As any Royal or Home Duty Editor would be able to confirm, there are many formal engagements with miniature livestock and sandwiches to be negotiated before actress and humanitarian Meghan Markle becomes a princess.

    1. Ah. Yes. My almost complete ignorance of all procedure an d protocol is shamelessly exposed.

  2. David McCann says:

    Is she actually a princess yet?
    I thought she was still Meghan Markle

  3. Roland Stiven says:

    There were crowds for George Clooney!

  4. Duncan MacLaren says:

    I noticed that the BBC News had to send their own Royal correspondent, Nicholas Witchell, as opposed to Cameron Buttall who was on hand for BBC Scotland ten minutes after the first report. At least Cam has training in public disorder according to his CV! Not that would have been necessary given the number of Union Jacks and even one St George’s flag the BBC News (Imperial) showed on the Castle esplanade – just to underline that we are Better Together otherwise we might be deprived of royal visits. I actually pity Harry and Meghan having to go through these vacuous charades to keep the Monarchy alive.

    1. Graeme Purves says:

      It’s almost as if Auntie doesn’t trust poor Cameron Buttle for the big occasion, or perhaps his nostrils begin to flare at the sight of a Union Jack? They certainly pulled him out of George Square pretty sharpish back on 15 September 2014. Who is his handler anyway?

      1. Interpolar says:

        I wonder how many Scots were actually there. On a normal day on the upper Royal Mile amongst the throngs of tourist visiting Edinburgh on their trip to England, a Scottish accent is hard to find and Spanish often gets you further.

        1. Graeme Purves says:

          There were a couple of busloads of monarchists up from Newcastle, apparently. Apart from that, just the usual tourists.

  5. Anne says:

    What an utter load of tosh, wealthy parasites visit Edinburgh, homeless people lose out on food, how selfish can you get?

  6. Charles Gallagher says:

    Pass the puke bag please. Hope they all tugged their fore-locks?

  7. Roland Laycock says:

    I hope you can keep them in Scotland there not wanted in England, There just more fleas on the workingman back to pay for

  8. Welsh Sion says:

    Meghan Markle is reported as saying that she wanted to work in the Social Bite café, which distributes food and hot drinks to homeless people all over Scotland, because it seemed “fun”.

    For someone who is soon to join one of the richest families in this Disunited Kingdumb, and will have everything done for her and will never face the indignities, shame and wretchedness that the homelessness confront daily, to suggest that helping them appears to be “fun” is surely a case of Markle suffering from the Marie Antoinettes. Although not yet a Princess, she is quickly learning how to fit in with the mores of the Windsors.

    I’m confident that I’m not the only one on this message board who feels the same way.

    1. SleepingDog says:

      @Welsh Sion, to be fair, Meghan is not the only person in today’s news to appreciate an unorthodox fun side to aid-working with desperate people. Perhaps she was just topically referring to the opportunities to buy cheap sex from the homeless. Credit her for being current, at least; Marie Antoinette would have had no clue.

  9. To.roz says:

    That poor wee pony, dressed up, humiliated, scared stiff and in a couple of years it will be off to the killing floor, shot, skinned and gutted then fed to the cats in the local zoo. A terrible way to treat any animal.

  10. Elaine Fraser says:

    Did anyone else find it odd that the two spectators ( young women) when asked for comments seemed to spout the sort of gushy stuff we have heard from Uk and US media for months now. They just didnt strike me as off the cuff remarks ordinary folk would come away with when a journalist shoves a microphone in front of them. Not suggesting they were plants more an interesting phenomenon of the public now beginning to parrot the media hype.

    Especially stuff like ‘ she brings something fresh to the monarchy, she’s normal….’ and ‘she brings the best of America…our friendliness, hospitality…’

    Im sure the words ‘fresh’ and ‘normal’ has been trotted out many a time before , (Diana and Kate)
    So not that ‘fresh’ then more same old same old.

    1. Welsh Sion says:

      @ Elaine Fraser.

      Same was said of Fergie when she became Duchess of York – remember?

      Nothing new under the sun, then.

  11. Alf Baird says:

    That’s the indyref2 campaign started then, with Better Together (aka England’s hegemony) first out the stalls, union flags stuffed into bairns hands. Hope somebody’s taking note of BT campaign expenditure this time……

    1. Charles Gallagher says:

      Alf, sadly as there is no campaign at this point in time then it’s open season on spending. It would as you suggest be worth keeping a note of what they are spending but how do we find out.


  12. Geacher says:

    Hey, if you don’t like the Royal Family -and heaven knows I’m no royalist- move on! Some people do, so let them alone and go and concern yourself about important things, like where’s Andrew Wilson’s economic report for an iScotland? You guys, any excuse for a moan.

    1. Derek Grierson says:

      No, I will not move on. I live here. As for important things, how about us NOT throwing away huge chunks of taxpayers money on royal spongers while our actual citizens starve on the streets and our imperial governors remind us about how there’s no Magic Money Tree to spend on social security or NHS while giving away tax cuts to the obscenely wealthy. In any civilised country, this situation would provoke revolution.

      1. geacher says:

        “Imperial Governors”? Get a grip.

      2. Derek c says:

        Royal spongers?would that not be the Scots..after all the sweaty socks receive over a grand per head more spent on them than their English cousins…and like you say in any civilised country..but alas this is Scotland..we are talking about.constantly yawn …

      3. Robert Graham says:

        Derek – “greacher” not content with polluting The Wee Ginger Dugs blog with unionist tripe he now surfaces here , i guess he is doing a tour .
        A wee message Greacher move on you are as welcome as a fart in a lift , and not intelligent enough to change yer stupid “nom de plume” to evade discovery same shit different day eh .

        1. Derek c says:

          It’s as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit …as for Greacher and wee ginger dugs..? I’ve never heard of either..?it sounds as if your choking on your porridge..a Nationalist bordering on getting sectioned..it’s bemusing one jingoistic flag waver criticising folk you don’t know that never wave one..I noticed you carelessly evaded who is the spongers question??that and the other paranoid are they/are they not plants..tickles us Scots silly..so we will not move on ..we live here..pathetic retort of yours..and we can see through the insanity of both the left and right media..n joy your new diluted iron bru ..it’s like holyrood…leaves a strange taste in your mouth ..

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